Santa Died This Christmas

I don’t know how the tradition of Santa Claus fits into your particular life, whether you ever believed in him or didn’t, whether you decided to let your children believe in him or chose not to do so, but for me, Santa Claus has been as real for me as anything make believe can ever be for the better part of my life.

I was around eleven or so when I finally realized that a fat man in a red suit traveling around the world on sleigh the size of a pickup truck pulled by a team of animals delivering toys to every kid in the world in one night made no more sense than that same fat man being able to shimmy down a skinny chimney carrying a bag of toys while a fire burned underneath him. Or how he managed to get into locked houses that had no chimneys without waking up the whole house. At some point it no longer made any sense at all. I could no longer reconcile what I was being told by my parents with the science and logic that was right there in front of my eyes.

So, when I was eleven, Santa died the first time for me. It was a sad death, triggering the beginning of a higher understanding of life for me. It was the beginning of the next phase of my life where I would no longer view gifts as magical things that were just given without cost and begin to understand that all the world’s problems would  never be solved on a single night in December by a fat man in a red suit in a sleigh the size of a pickup truck pulled by a team of reindeer. The problems of the real world are much harder than that.

In short when Santa Claus died, so did innocence.

On October 3rd, 1985, Santa Claus was reborn for me in the birth of my son. If you are parents and believe in passing along Santa Claus to your kids then you know the joy I experienced in putting the milk and cookies on the counter or the coffee table the night before. You know the joy of seeing your kids eyes light up in wonder as a tree that was devoid of gifts the night before suddenly was packed with their every wish come true. It is the greatest feeling I have ever known, the most joy I have ever felt as a parent. For twenty-six magnificent Christmas mornings, I was Santa Claus.

On the night of this Christmas Day, 2011, my daughter stood in our kitchen and proclaimed to us that she believed that her mother and I were Santa Claus. She thought we put out the cookies and milk and then ate them when she went to bed.

I told my eleven year old daughter the truth. Her mother and I were indeed Santa Claus.

Upon hearing the news my tender-hearted daughter cried. I held her and part of me ached right along with her, but another part of me ached for me. My daughter has lost Santa Claus for a little while, as long as it takes for her to mature, get married, and have kids. In her kids, Santa will be reborn.

My daughter is the youngest and the last I will ever have. For me, Santa Claus is gone forever.


I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas.




About timkeen40

When I was seven, I opened one of those little Golden Books (Lassie) and started copying the words down on paper and it set my soul on fire. I have been writing ever since. I don't know where this is going but I invite you along on the journey.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to Santa Died This Christmas

  1. jenniferneri says:

    won’t Santa be reborn for you in your grandkids?

  2. Androgoth says:

    I hope that your Christmas
    time was a good one Tim 🙂


  3. That’s kind of sad. But the joy that you had making your kid’s dreams come true like that is very much the same as the joy our Heavenly Father has doing the same for us. Only He doesn’t die.

    Sorry. Not trying to be preachey. It just made me think. Thank you for sharing this.

  4. pattisj says:

    I remember being the last of my friends to know our parents were Santa. I felt so betrayed. When my uncle tried to tell me it was true, I was in denial. I guess we’re going to have a broken heart about it somewhere along the way. We chose not to tell our daughter about Santa, and she has carried that tradition forth with her family. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.

    • timkeen40 says:

      It is a choice for a family to make and not to be judged by me or anyone. I have had great joy over the last quarter of a century and wouldn’t change it for anything.

      Thank you for chiming with your thoughts and thanks mostly for just taking the time to read.


  5. Ellen says:

    As I don´t know if I´ll be able to spend much time on the Internet in the coming days, I take the opportunity to wish you a very nice start of the year!!!

    Hope you had a nice X-mas time!!

  6. Androgoth says:

    Happy New Year 2012 Tim 🙂


  7. How wonderful that you kept the magic alive and well for that long, Tim. That’s longer than most kids believe. I think it’s wonderful, and I am sure the magic will surprise you and live on in ways you can’t even imagine. If you just believe… 🙂

    • timkeen40 says:

      I agree totally. I am very proud of my service to the belief in Santa Claus. It has brought my kids a lot of happiness.

      Thanks for stopping by and have a great 2012.


  8. Maureen says:

    Hey Tim, First time here. I enjoyed reading this. The magic goes on and on. It’s been a long time since I spent Christmas with kids – that’s where Santa resides – in their eyes.

  9. aFrankAngle says:

    First-time visitor here. Life’s phases revolving around Santa is interesting. From believing to let down to going along to believing … interesting how things go in full circle but for different reasons. I’m in my upper fifties, married over 30+ years, but no kids.

    I think it happened sometime in my 30s when I realized that Santa Claus is a spirit for all ages – for all cultures. The sense of giving can be a powerful force. Whether its gifts wrapped in paper, or service to someone, the Santa spirit was warm and rewarding.

    I’m a practicing Christian, yet those complaining about “Taking Christ out of Christmas” drive me a bit batty. Yes, Christmas has a religious component – and to those people, it is also important to remember that aspect. But Santa’s spirit of Christmas crosses into other religions and into the nonreligious – and for that I am thankful. Why? Well, my religious side includes the importance of being nice, sharing, and showing love – and that’s very much Santa.

    …. and thanks for visiting my blog.

  10. Sharmishtha says:

    i used to believe in fairies when i was a child. now i am happy that i did. 🙂

  11. jonesingafter40 says:

    I have to say, this made me sad. My daughter is in six grade and I’m pretty sure she knows but chooses to continue to believe in the man in the red suit. What makes me really sad is the thought that my little boy who is 6 probably won’t make it nearly as long. Thanks for visiting my blog!

    • timkeen40 says:

      It never even occurred to me what to think or how to feel until it actually happened. Now I just have great memories to look back on and relive.
      That’s not such a bad thing.

      Thanks for stopping by.


  12. kolembo says:

    oh, this has got to be the most glorious thing I’ve read today!

    super, super…it’s so – I don’t know…

    I remember my Dad as Santa – he died a few years ago. I don’t have a daughter and don’t think I ever will. Santa was alive for me until about eleven.

    All, these things, it was a most beautiful post.

  13. jannatwrites says:

    I’m a little late on the Santa post, but I saw the title in your side bar and had to read it. I agree that once Santa isn’t there, innocence is lost. This post made me sad because of that.

    My older son (he’s 9) has started testing us. He say’s he knows we’re Santa, but we haven’t fessed up yet because we think a part of him still wants to believe. My younger son is 6, and I fear when the cat is out of the bag (so to speak) it will be over for him too. Perhaps I’m just a bit selfish in wanting to prolong it because of how it makes me feel.

    • timkeen40 says:

      Ah don’t feel selfish. Remember their innocence gets to live a little bit longer as well. There’s nothing wrong with that. Life will crash in on them soon enough. A little prolonging won’t hurt anything.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s