Seek medical attention immediately if…
You are having trouble getting or maintaining an erection even though you desperately want one….
You are having trouble standing for long periods of time or just standing in general…
You are starting to remember all those songs from your high school days
You are starting to sing all those songs from your high school days
Your eyes could make that deer’s nose look like laser pointer amidst a sunburst
You can’t keep your eyes off your wife’s best friend
There are three of everyone, including your wife’s best friend (That’s six of them to look at in case you failed fifth grade math).
You are blabbing on about some movie no one but you has even seen.
You are laughing at everything you say as if it were the funniest thing ever uttered.
Your wife is looking down, pretending not to notice you.
Your wife’s best friend is staring at some point on the wall only she can see, hoping that you will finally get enough of her breasts and move on. (You won’t, of course).
Do not seek medical attention…
If you are about to fall asleep
JUST GO TO SLEEP YOU DRUNK ASSHOLE!