Around the Keg

Around the Keg

Do you know how many times

I have fallen down

And skinned my knee?

Gotten back up

And refilled my beer

Then, went to pee?

 

Thank God I don’t remember.

 

Tim

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Good Advice and Sayings

Good Advice and Sayings

There are a lot of catchy phrases out there, ones that have been around for a long time and will likely endure as long as people strive to live and write.

I’d like to go over a few of my favorites…

This can and will be adult material…

You have been warned…

 

You are what you eat.

Which makes you a dick, pussy, ass, meatloaf or pot roast just depending on the circumstances of your life.

Early to bed, Early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

Yeah? Tell that to the Rolling Stones. Or George Straight. Or Willie Nelson… the list goes on. You get my point.

(Yes, I don’t have permission to use their names. I will pay them later if this blog becomes that big).

A stitch in time saves nine.

I don’t even know or care what the fuck that means.

A penny saved is a penny earned.

Actually good advice, except you should be working for more than pennies and then investing pennies until you have all your pennies invested into something only to see that the thing you invested in went tits up and you lost everything and you lost all your pennies.

Maybe that one hit too close to home.

A penny saved is a penny earned is a penny earned is good advice.

I also like the phrase “going tits up” even though I have no idea what that means, either. I will borrow a line from a movie. “Who doesn’t like tits?” There’s a reason why there are billion websites dedicated to the tits. (This is another blog in the making).

I realize my words have been scattered. I ramble. I often write to make points. This time out has not been one of those times. I hope  you see the humor in all of this.

 

Tim

 

 

 

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The Whisper

The Whisper

It touched me once

Upon my ear, just a peep

I flicked it away

And drifted back to sleep

Stronger it got

Come with me to the deep

Just take my hand

Here we’ll never weep

 

It’s not the best poem I’ve ever written. It may not even qualify as a poem, just a garbled gaggle of words. I don’t care. I wrote it in haste. I did so because my daughter woke up this morning to the fact that a friend of hers from high school, just nineteen, was so tired of living that he had hanged himself. A cousin of mine, someone I looked up to, took a gun and blew his brains out just past his fortieth birthday.

I am not writing this to judge or really to make any other kind of point. No one can know their pain. To do what they did, the pain must have been intolerable.

I just know I don’t understand it.

And I thank God for that lack of understanding.

 

Tim

 

 

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Who’s The Fool

Who’s the Fool

I saw a man face down

In his own drool

Man, that ain’t cool

A woman stands over him

His wife

Which one’s the fool

A shout out to mine

She’s a good one.

 

Tim

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How Did You Do?

How Did You Do?

The New Year’s Resolution. God, you have to love it.

One day happens, one event, now matter how long you live, about 1/365th of your life (okay, a little less depending on how long you live and when you die), and there is a promise in your life that is seldom there during the mundane days of the rest of the time.  Every year, almost all of us look to the new year  with promises that it will be better than the last.

Less eating.

Less drinking.

More working.

More writing.

More of whatever it is you deem you need in your life and less of what you deem as undesirable.

January 2, 2019.

The parties are over.

The hangovers should be gone.

Before you embark on this year’s resolutions, how did you do on last year’s.

 

Mine started with a bang and ended with a whimper. but my spirits lifted with time off around the holidays.

The new ones were just around the corner. Bold and as unstoppable as ever.

 

Tim

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Not What I Signed Up For

Not What I Signed Up For

Be Careful When You Drink

New Year’s Eve

The Party of the Year

Too much…everything

My mind in a swirl

All the dancing, the grinding

Oh, what a girl

My head still spinning

The morning after

As I fill my coffee cup

There’s that lady

Last night she rocked my world

God, she looks so hot

In my bathroom

Wait!

Why is she peeing standing up?

Tim

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No Regrets

No Regrets

 

I hear people nearing the end of life say it.

I have no regrets.

The only way you have no regrets is if you’ve never lived.

Do you regret that moment you challenged Billy Bob to fight? Over a girl? And got the hell beat out you?

Do you regret that time you accepted the dare and ended up with a broken arm?

Do you regret the time you looked at her…and the saw the way she looked at you…and, like the Sirens of the sea, you couldn’t say no?

You were twenty then and full what they call piss and vinegar. Devil may care, but I don’t. Full speed ahead, damn the torpedoes.

You are eighty now, smarter in every way. A long life has taught you all you need to know about living a long life. It’s the only reason you are still alive.

If you were twenty again, would you slow down and be smarter? Would you take that curve a little slower? Would you back away from that little girl with the cute smile, the one who belonged to someone else?

Or would you do it again? Exactly the way you did it?’

The answer to that question is one you can only answer for yourself.

All I know is that I have many regrets, because I have made many mistakes, I haven’t been afraid of making mistakes. I have just gone in full speed ahead. Damn the torpedoes.

After many burned fingers and licked wounds, do I have regrets.

Hell, yes.

I have lived.

     Tim

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